As with mosquitoes, horseflies, and most bloodsucking parasites, Kenneth
Starr was spawned in stagnant water.
- James Carville
Drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what
you'll find.
- James Carville, responding to Paula Jones' sexual harassment allegations
against Bill Clinton
I once said cynically of a politician, "He'll double cross that bridge when
he comes to it."
- Oscar Levant
Why does listening to John Ashcroft make me feel like the world has already
ended? If we're going to be warned about terrorism, can't it be by someone
who actually makes us want to live?
- Jon Stewart, on John Ashcroft
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to
a political career.
- George Bernard Shaw
I wouldn't send him to the shop for a bottle of milk.
- Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams, on the incompetence of Irish Justice
Minister, Michael McDowell
King Fahd told me that his country was threatened and that he would
cooperate with the Devil to protect it.
- Libyan leader, Moammar Gaddafi saying that King Fahd of Saudi Arabia would
co-operate with Satan (highly offensive to Muslims)
Your lies precede you, while the grave is ahead of you.
- Crown Prince Abdullah of Aaudi Arabia, to Libyan leader, Moammar Gaddafi
He who does not have the characteristics of men and does not have noble
principles cannot do such things.
- Saudi Foreign Minister, Prince Saud Al-Faisal, on Coronel Gaddafi of Libya
who didn't apologise for insulting King Fahd of Saudi Arabia
This Zionist agent child has brought disgrace to himself and his father and
his country with this silly statement.
- Naji Sabri, the Iraqi Foreign Minister, on Sheikh Zayed's son, Abdullah,
the UAE Information Minister who called for Saddam Hussein and his
government to relinguish power and go into exile.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go
out and buy some more tunnel.
- John Quinton
A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
- Alben W. Barkley
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'Elevator;' we say
'Lift.' They say 'President;' we say 'Stupid Psychopathic Git.'
- Alexai Sayle
When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President; I'm
beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow
Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least
harm.
- Frank Dane
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- George Bernard Shaw
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
- Charles de Gaulle
As you know, a judge here in California has ruled that the Pledge of
Allegiance is unconstitutional. A reporter asked Attorney General, John
Ashcroft, how he felt about the ruling, but Ashcroft said he couldn't
answer, because, you know, he hasn't read the Constitution yet.
- Jay Leno
New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art
exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked
woman. Said the mayor, 'This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to
look at when I go to the museum with my mistress.'
- Tina Fey
The shift in power in the Senate means that Trent Lott will become the
minority leader. Funny, you rarely hear a sentence with the words Trent Lott
and minority that doesn't also include the words 'no appeal to' and 'hates'.
- Jon Stewart
Janet Reno lost the democratic primary. When asked about it, Reno said, 'I
feel like I've been kicked in the nuts.'
- Conan O'Brien
Janet Reno lost the primary election for governor down there in Florida.
They think what hurt her were the allegations of steroid abuse.
- David Letterman
This weekend big doings down in Florida. Former Attorney General Janet Reno
is hosting a dance party at a Miami night club. Not only is she the guest of
honor, she is also the bouncer.
- David Letterman
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere,
diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
- Groucho Marx
Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of
principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
- Ambrose Bierce
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of
himself and a wreck of his country.
- Ambrose Bierce
California Governor Gray Davis is returning a $10,000 campaign contribution
when he found out it was from the owners of a strip club. To his credit,
he's going to return the money to the girls one dollar at a time.
- Jay Leno
Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against.
- W.C. Fields
Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of
talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable
inconveniently early.
- George Will
There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and evil.
- Bob Dole, watching former presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon standing by
each other at a White House event
I wouldn't waste the 25 cents to buy the cartridge that would propel the
bullet . I despise him.
- G. Gordon Liddy, on former Nixon aide, John Dean
New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art
exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked
woman. Said the mayor, 'This trash is not the sort of thing that I want to
look at when I go to the museum with my mistress.'
- Tina Fey
The use of a two-syllable vulgarity by the chairman was rather ambitious.
- Mike McCurry, referring to Republican Congressman Dan Burton, who called
Bill Clinton "a scumbag."
Maybe we can send him some of those little M&M's with the presidential seal
on them.
- Mike McCurry, former Clinton press secretary, responding to Newt
Gingrich's complaint about being made to sit at the back of Air Force One
Politics makes estranged bedfellows.
- Goodman Acey